The idea of working in unity with those who believe in weird stuff creeps some non-believers right out. I know this as many people have told me exactly that after listening to the podcast I co-host where we talk to people who believe in weird things. I’m often told by people who are non-believers that they’d find it too infuriating, or that they’re just not interesting in hearing ‘the other side’ of the argument. One person even told me that they were ‘intolerant’ of those beliefs. That last one blew my mind because believers aren’t like dairy products, but I get that for some people accepting people as people rather than as a set of belief systems that cannot be tolerated is difficult or not desired, so each to their own.

Then I see people who talk about wanting to work with paranormal communities and believers to achieve mutual goals and I get excited because that’s totally my scene, yet it rarely pans out as an honest desire to bridge the void between believers and non-believers, turning out instead to be about telling believers how they should change how they feel about certain subjects or how being skeptical is the right way, and the other ways are wrong. There is nothing honorable about that. It can, and often does, turn into a preachy and patronising mess.

Much can be gained through the promotion of critical thinking, but a huge mistake is made when non-believers treat believers as though they’re ignorant or stupid. This is rarely the case. Often non-believers will talk about the importance of tone and language, and point out that you should always attack the argument and not the person, but then in the next sentence dismiss so many potential allies because they fail to realise that attacking the belief or argument is sometimes as good as attacking the person as our beliefs are a big part of who we are and how we define ourselves. This is especially a problem when snarky or dismissive language is used. I don’t think this is always done intentionally though, because  those I have observed acting this way always seem surprised and shocked when believers lash out in response. I was on the receiving end of dismissive and assumptive behaviour of fellow non-believers when I wrote about Will Storr’s interview with James Randi, and non-believers who attacked me and insulted me have yet to apologise. I can only try to imagine what it would be like if they attacked something very important to me in the same way.

Most believers I encounter and work with have a mutual desire to work out the right answers to questions brought about by paranormal experiences and claims. Treating them like nervous dogs who are going to run away with their tail between their legs if you don’t speak to them nicely isn’t going to work. If people want to work with paranormal communities they need to be able to walk the walk and not just talk the talk. Sadly, it seems the willingness to actually do this is often lacking.