If you’re a regular reader of this blog you already know the drill, but if you’re new here then allow me to explain. I’m a paranormal researcher who specialises in ghost stuff but I don’t believe in ghosts. I use scientific inquiry to investigate spooky sightings and so on.
Each year, I do a round up of the 5 ghost-related stories from the past year that made me face palm the most. I wasn’t actually planning to do a roundup this year because I didn’t think I could find it within myself to go through my bookmarks folder. Yet, I’ve had so many people getting in touch and asking when I’d publish this post that I felt I had no choice but to subject myself to that torture. I hope you people are proud of yourselves. So, without further ado…
#5 Amanda Sparrow’s Love Life
I was devastated when it was reported that Amanda Sparrow was getting divorced from her ghost husband after just months of marriage. For those not in the know, Sparrow is the Irish woman who married a ghost pirate back in 2017.
Do I think she is telling the truth? No. Do I think she’s mentally unwell? Not my place to say or speculate, but I do have a suspicion that it’s a hoax. Having been a teenage girl who was obsessed with the Pirates of the Carribbean films when they were released, I feel as though I am more than qualified to make a judgement on this.
Amanda Sparrow married a pirate ghost called Jack Teague whose story closely resembles the fictional story of the fictional Disney pirate, Captain Jack Sparrow. Jack Sparrow’s father is Captain Teague. Amanda claims her husband was hanged for helping slaves to escape – the same crime which the fictional Jack Sparrow committed too, leading to him and Lord Cutler Beckett becoming sworn enemies in the Pirates of the Caribbean universe.
Oh, and did I mention that Amanda Sparrow is a frickin’ Jack Sparrow impersonator? At the time of the marriage in 2017, Sparrow also claimed that her friend was also in a relationship with the ghost friend of her ghost husband who was called William…
#4 Man Sees Ghost
In this story reported by the Daily Star, the twist is that the man- a security guard -who saw the ghost was caught on CCTV as he saw the ghost… which was also caught on CCTV. However, when you actually watch the footage, it’s safe to say that the headline could just have been ‘man sees something‘. There does appear to be something being seen and reacted to in the footage, but it’s so vague that it’s hardly compelling evidence of anything at all.
Not only that, but we only have secondary footage to view here, and as regular readers may recall me writing before, secondary footage is a good way to cover up shenanigans. Filming footage on a screen like this reduces the quality of the original footage… and call me skeptical, but does the dudes reaction seem like the normal reaction of someone who is seeing a ghost? Something doesn’t sit right for me with this story.
#3 Ghost Touches Man
No, this isn’t a progression from the previous story in which the security guard and ghost overcome their differences and form a bond. This is a different man and (presumably) a different ghost in what the Daily Star (yes, again) claim is a HORRIFYING ENCOUNTER.
HORRIFYING, dear reader, because this time the ghost TOUCHES the man and the whole thing is CAUGHT ON CCTV. However, allow me to break it down like the party-pooper I am. We watch as an employee is pointing out products to man. The man then shudders and flinches away as though something has touched his neck, and the employee also flinches away at the same time.
My little grey cells tell me that this was likely a drop of water or perhaps an insect. The floor is covered in water and the people are wearing coats. It had likely been raining. There is a mysterious light which seems to travel across the screen towards the man around the same time of his reaction, but light flares are a common artifact found on CCTV cameras all of the time. This light would have been there regardless of whether or not there had been people in frame. Some say the orb is faked, but I can’t be sure.
#2 The MacKenzie Poltergeist
The infamous MacKenzie Poltergiest is possibly my favourite ghost story. I have visited the tomb this allegedly violent spectre is said to haunt at least twice now in an attempt to get punched in the face by it. I am therefor very sad to include the Poltergeist in my Worst Ghost summary for 2018.
However, in reality, it isn’t the ghost which belongs here, but the marketing tactics of the City of the Dead tours Twitter account. City of the Dead run ‘Award winning tours of the world’s most haunted locations’. This year, I have watched on in bemusement as my Twitter stream has occasionally displayed photos of scratched, damaged and bleeding skin said to belong to ghost tour attendees who have been attacked by the MacKenzie Poltergeists during ghost tours of Greyfriars Kirkyard in Edinburgh.
Those who are familiar with the story of the MacKenzie poltergeist will know that this malevolent spook is said to attack people who wander too closely to the mausoleum of George MacKenzie. The haunting is said to have started after the mausoleum was broken into by a homeless person seeking shelter, who inadvertently disturbed something which has been active ever since.
However, Blake Smith and Karen Stollznow, who co-host the fabulous MonsterTalk podcast, dedicated an episode to the Poltergeist this year. Behind-the-scenes they have been researching whether this origin story actually ever actually happened, and it seems it might not as certain as the lore suggests.
Every time I have visited the Kirkyard, I have found it to be a beautiful, sombre, peaceful place – even during the chaos that is the Edinburgh Fringe. The ghost lore attached to it is marvellous and spooky, and doesn’t need to be cheapened by shabby stunts. I’m not suggesting that these photos are staged as I have no evidence to support this, but do I think the scratches are paranormal in origin? No. I don’t.
#1 The Human Bone Hoax
When I write these ‘Worst Ghosts’ posts I keep most of the list lighthearted, fun and silly, and then I always include a story that is full of people so twatting stupid that you just wonder what the point of existing is.
Enter the Proving Demons Youtube channel who uploaded a video in which it is claimed human remains were found during a ghost-slash-demon hunt of a derelict cottage earlier this year.
The group of four friends use unscientific devices to contact spirits in the house which it is claimed tell them that there is a body in the wall. As reported over at higgypop.com, the device apparently relays the message to them from a ghost claiming “I was murdered,” followed by “he wedged up in the wall”. You can read about the reality of these devices by clicking the ‘Ghost Science’ tab in the menu at the top of my site if you’re curious. Suffice to say, they don’t detect or enable conversation with ghosts.
Anyway, the Youtubers decide to demolish an internal wall over the course of 3 nights and discover what looks to be a human bone inside. They then contact Cheshire Police about discovering human remains. However, it turns out that they planted the bone in the first place as a sort of underwhelming hoax, resulting in warnings all round for wasting police time…
…and that, dear children, is why we don’t talk to the Paranormal Youtubers.