The hope I gave up
I’ve recently been thinking a lot about the time when I held beliefs in the existence of ghosts and an afterlife and I’ve blogged about some experiences here and here. I’ve been thinking back again today about what the change in my beliefs actually meant to me – I know that I became a more rational person who no longer made leaps of logic etc. – but I don’t mean in that sense, I was considering what it meant I let go of on a personal level, and then I started to cry.
I don’t think I’ve ever really considered this very much before because when I turned my back on those beliefs I had to battle people who wanted to attack me for no longer accepting their reality and their facts – for so long I had nasty comments made and received threatening phone calls from the ‘love & light’ people I had once been friends with that it was their attitude I felt I was leaving behind and not the things that were actually very important to me.
I, like many people, never knew my granddad personally because he died when my mum was just fifteen which was fifteen years before I was born. I’m not going to go into details here because I know my mum reads this blog sometimes and I don’t want to upset her, but the place he died is local and every time I go past it I feel so sad because although I didn’t know him and I never got to meet him I know all about him and feel like I could have known him. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about James Dunne, the granddad I never got to know personally, and actually that hurts and I don’t think it should.
The reason it hurts though is because it feels like I lost my granddad twice, even though in all truthfulness I didn’t lose him even once because he was already dead when I was born. However, not having a granddad feels like losing a grandparent because their absence is all too real when people talk about them and remember them and all you have are stolen stories and memories to go on.
I lost my granddad twice though because for a very, very long time I truly believed that one day I would get to meet him and for a long, long time I felt as though he was with me wherever I was. People misled me into believing that and it gave me false hope that one day I would be able to say hello to the granddad I’d never been able to see who had inspired so many people by simply being who he was.
When I came to realise that I was wrong about the afterlife I was also admitting I was wrong about ever seeing him and that was the hardest thing to let go of because it would have been so easy to carry on with the illusion under the pretence of “never knowing for sure”.
People often think that it was easy for me to turn my back on my silly beliefs and people often shake their head and consider me silly for even considering there was an afterlife, but it’s not so difficult to want something to be true so badly that it becomes true no matter how you look at it. When I was called a “stupid woo” or “idiotic” because of what I believed to be true I chose to ignore those people rather than even consider for one moment the possibility that I would never get to meet my granddad but in the end I changed my mind because I couldn’t lie to myself any more. That’s why I always feel it is important to not treat people as though they are stupid for believing in an afterlife because they probably just want to see their granddad too.
I stopped believing in an afterlife in 2007 and four years later the memory of the hope I gave up still reduces me to tears. I’d rather be enlightened and know that I base my beliefs on facts and not nonsense – but I’d also rather just get the chance to see my granddads face. The heart and mind are always in battle with one another and I think it’s important that we remember that.
The Other Side & The End
Many people are fine to live their whole lives treating death as a catalyst to a potential next step for their existence, some people decide early on that when you die that’s it. All done. No encore. Others believe in the existence of an afterlife in one form or another.
One thing I have learnt over time is that whatever you believe when you start to research ghosts, you will at some point question it. What the conclusion of that questioning is depends on you individually, but it happens because of the people you deal with in your research. You will deal with the thoughts, fear and consequences of death nearly every single day and it will become something that is no longer taboo for you. The negative thing about this is that the people you interact with who aren’t involved in paranormal research are less likely to be that relaxed about death and will seek comfort and answers from you.
I’m not able to offer these people the answers they are looking for as I don’t know what happens at the moment of death as I’ve never died. I can only offer my personal opinions based on the best understanding that we have on what happens to the body when the brain dies. Being put in the earth to decompose seems a fine end to life – being comitted to the very Earth that sustained you in your life. However it’s very rare that anybody takes comfort from my thoughts on death.
It seems mystery makes the inevitable easier to stomach. I also think it has a lot to with why ghost hunters are so keen to look for the ghost rather than the logical cause for activity, until one accepts how insignificant life really is then one cannot appreciate how delicate it is – how superb and wonderful life is. For as long as people continue to believe in their hearts and minds that there is more than just this they will search for the proof of that.
I know this from personal experience because I used to take great comfort from the idea that those I loved who had died were still nearby on ‘the other side’ of whatever it is that is supposed to divide the living from the dead – the astral plane, the spirtual portal, or the whole host of other names people have given to such an idea over time. I believed that I too would one day pass over into that existence and would meet them again.
However, in my early twenties (yes, I know I’m only twenty-four) I started exploring my views on religion and humanity and I realised I was Atheist and also identified as a humanist, it became apparent to me that the spiritual beliefs I used to hold were actually quite manky.
I no longer take comfort from the idea that my dead gran is on ‘the other side’ where she is ‘always near’. In fact I find that idea horrifying, my gran stuck in a place where she can see and hear all of her relatives that survived her going about their business as usual without being able to interact with them. What sort of continued existence is that?
My belief in the other side was purely selfish and I think it’s quite sad that people live every day of their lifes believing that they will survive as spirits or astral beings because it gives them a false sense of time.
In my spiritual days I would often quote Peter Pan; “To die would be an awfully big adventure”, but I came to realise years ago that it’s not death that is the adventure, it’s life – death is simply The End.
The Ghostly Haiku!
Three days ago I launched a competition on this blog that offered participants the chance to win a Glow-in-the-dark Placebo Band after having some kindly sent to me in the post by SkepticBros. I asked people to submit the best ghost-themed haiku they could think of and the best would win the band.
I didn’t entertain the idea that I would get even half a dozen entries but the readers of my blog have proven me wrong and I have received eighteen entries in total, which isn’t bad for three days! I have also been really impressed with the quality of the haiku I received too – not that I’m saying I think my readers are unimaginative and uncreative cretins or anything, but they’ve been really rather good, so I thought I’d share the entried with you. The winner is announced at the bottom of the page.
Here are the entires:
Shapes seen mistaken
Wind gusts and old house does groan
The camera lies
Paul Barton, Glasgow
.
At night ghosts haunt me.
Paralyze me with their eyes.
Laundry by daylight.
Allena Hail
.
Don’t know the answer?
Why bother with evidence?
It MUST be a ghost!
Jake Boone, Oregon, USA
.
So hurt and alone,
Now my presence is left here,
You may not see me
Greg, California, USA
.
Shh, it’s dark now, wait
Quick, look, that thing just ran by
Oh, the cat again!
Tracie Louise, Syracuse, USA
.
Do you hear a noise?
Something goes bump in the night.
Sure it’s my dead Nan.
‘HighNumber’, USA
.
If you’ve had a fright,
Hayley will set you all right:
No tricks, just insight.
Sean Ellis, Surrey
.
Hear voice in my head,
Hear voice in my recorder,
Must be ghost with me.
Tom Hail, California
.
Chains are heard rattling
Flesh creeps and goosebumps appear
Shrieks pierce the night air
‘T-shirt man’, Liverpool
.
Was that winter’s chill
Clambering over my spine?
Or malignant spirit?
‘Oddtwang’
.
EMF is real
Lights flash bright on your meter
so ghost must be near!
Paul, Chicago
.
here’s Carl and Yvette
Something goes bang in the night
It’s easy money
Ian Teeling, Chestnuts
.
Strange voices on tape,
And the camera shows clearly,
Orbs infest this room.
Rob Hinkley
.
Yvette Fielding asks,
“Is there a spirit in here?”
Of course there isn’t…
John Tanner, Peak District
.
Quantums fluctuating,
Shadow people stirring,
must be off my meds.
Chris Reynolds, New Mexico
.
Is there a ghost here?
Before you decide,
always Check the obvious.
Ofquack [Authors note: HAIKU ALERT!]
.
I glimpsed, so fleeting;
Messenger from the spirits?
Alas! Bed sheeting!
Mykie Leong, Altrincham
.
Claim your pub has ghosts?
Hayley will show you have none,
Marketing stunt fail.
Trinoc,
You can see why it was so hard to choose one to announce as the winner.
I managed to whittle it down to two that I had to choose from, but I couldn’t because I really liked both of them so I’ve decided to send them both a Placebo Band.
I apologise to those who didn’t win because all of the entries were so good, thank you for entering them and well done for being so creative – you all beat mine hands down!
The winning entries are:
Oddtwang!
Was that winter’s chill
Clambering over my spine?
Or malignant spirit?
and,
Mykie Leong!
I glimpsed, so fleeting;
Messenger from the spirits?
Alas! Bed sheeting!
Your haiku was great, glow in the dark band is yours, wear it with great joy.
Yes… that was a haiku. (^^)
I will be in touch to arrange where to send the bands, in the mean time you may dance for joy (I’m just testing the bands out now, they really DO glow in the dark! It’s awesome!)
Win a placebo band!
They glow!
Recently I received some ‘Placebo Bands’ in the post from SkepticBros to hand out to people to help spread the facts behind products such as ‘Power Balance’ bands that make grand claims that have no factual basis to them. I normally wear a yellow band (many of those at QED who saw me commented on it, and I always seem to get asked about it at ‘skeptics in the pub’ events).
In case you don’t already know what a Power Balance band is, you can read all about the claims that surrounded the expensive bands by visiting the website of the Australian Skeptics here. To sum them up though, it was claimed that simply by having a Power Balance band near you, the hologram attached to the band would enable you to improve your performance and wellness. It was claimed that the hologram resonated at the same frequency as the body and that the hologram harmonised negativty or something along those lines.
There were simply tests you could do with a Power Balance band on and off to see how the band improved your performance. Below is a video showing Richard Saunders from the Australian Skeptics Society putting these ‘performance tests’ to the test and showing how the supposed improvement in performance was actually down to the power of suggestion. An excellent demonstration!
I have proudly worn my ‘Placebo band’ mimic of the ‘Power Balance band’ ever since I got it last year and it has been a really great way to engage people in discussion about the claims surrounding the Power Balance bands and products that are similar (Q-link products, for example, claim to be able to do similar, and there are others on the market too).
You can find out more about the Placebo Bands and ways in which you can use one to engage people in discussion about the claims surrounding such products here.
If you want to win one of the glow-in-the-dark Placebo Bands currently sitting on my desk (that I was told by SkepticBros will help with Ghost Hunting…) then simply think up the best ghost-related haiku and submit it through the form below.
Here is my example:
There is a ghost here,
There is ecto everywhere,
best call ghostbusters.
On April 10th at 10pm(BST) I will choose the entry I think is the most creative and the person who submitted it will win the glow-in-the-dark Placebo band! It’s simple!
[contact-form] [contact-field label="Name" type="name" required="true" /] [contact-field label="Email" type="email" required="true" /] [contact-field label="Where do you live?" type="text" /] [contact-field label="Your Haiku" type="textarea" required="true" /] [/contact-form]
I support…
